Creating Capacity: Learning to Tolerate Uncomfortable Feelings Instead of Pushing Them Away
We Weren’t Taught How to Be With Discomfort
Many of us were never taught how to sit with uncomfortable emotions. Instead, we learned to push them away, stay busy, stay positive, distract, numb, or power through. If a feeling made us uncomfortable, the goal was often to make it stop as quickly as possible.
But what if the work isn’t about getting rid of uncomfortable feelings at all?
What if it’s about creating more capacity to be with them?
When Uncomfortable Feelings Are Signals, Not Problems
Uncomfortable emotions aren’t a sign that something is wrong with you. They’re a sign that something meaningful is happening inside. Anxiety, sadness, anger, grief, shame are feelings often show up when something needs attention, care, or protection. When we immediately push them away, we miss the information they carry.
Staying Present Without Being Overwhelmed
Creating capacity means learning how to stay present with discomfort without being overwhelmed by it. It doesn’t mean forcing yourself to feel everything all at once or reliving painful experiences. It means gently expanding your window of tolerance so your nervous system learns: I can be with this, and I am still safe.
Beginning With Curiosity
Curiosity is a powerful place to begin.
Instead of asking, “How do I make this go away?” we can ask:
What is this feeling trying to tell me?
What does it need right now?
Where do I notice it in my body?
When has this feeling shown up before?
Listening Instead of Fixing
When we approach our inner experience with curiosity rather than judgment, the intensity often shifts on its own. Emotions tend to soften when they feel seen and acknowledged. They escalate when they’re ignored or fought against.
The Cost of Constant Distraction
Avoidance and distraction can offer short-term relief, and sometimes they’re necessary. But when they become our only tools, our capacity stays the same. Over time, life can feel smaller. Hard moments feel harder. We may begin to doubt our ability to cope.
Tolerance as a Path to Resilience
The more we practice tolerating discomfort—slowly, compassionately, at our own pace—the more resilient we become. We build trust with ourselves. We learn that feelings move, change, and pass when we allow them space.
This Work Is About Less Suffering, Not More
It may feel scary at first to do this work. It may feel counterintuitive to allow yourself to experience pain. The more you build your capacity, the easier it is to navigate and tolerate distress within our internal world. Over time, this practice strengthens your ability to navigate hard seasons, painful conversations, grief, uncertainty, and change. You become more flexible, more embodied, and more connected to yourself.
Expanding Capacity Through Gentleness
Expanding capacity doesn’t happen through force. It happens through gentleness, patience, and support. Through moments of noticing your breath, grounding your body, naming what’s present, and reminding yourself: I don’t have to fix this right now. I can just be here.
Your Feelings Are Messengers, Not Threats
Your feelings are here to guide you. And when you learn to listen, you may discover that even the most uncomfortable emotions are supporting you in moving toward healing, clarity, and deeper self-trust.
