A Guide to Setting and Holding Boundaries During the Holidays
The holiday season has a way of stirring up old roles, old expectations, and old guilt. Even the most grounded of us can find ourselves slipping back into familiar patterns—overcommitting, people-pleasing, or saying yes when every part of our body is whispering please, no.
Boundaries aren’t meant to isolate you. They’re guides that define your space, your needs, and the areas of your life that deserve protection.
Why Boundaries Feel Harder During the Holidays
Family systems get activated. Traditions carry emotional weight. And there’s often an unspoken belief that we should be endlessly available in the name of togetherness.
If you grew up in environments where your needs weren’t respected—or where your safety depended on staying small—it makes sense that asserting yourself now feels unfamiliar or even dangerous. And tt can be so scary even thinking about shifting roles that have been so familiar to you and your family.
Setting Limits Is an Invitation to Healthier Connection
It is one of the kindest things you can do to yourself. Remember:
Saying no isn’t unkind.
Protecting your energy isn’t selfish.
Declining an invitation doesn’t mean you don’t care.
A boundary is simply an act of honesty. It’s choosing connection without self-betrayal.
Three Gentle Prompts for This Season
1. “What version of me shows up when I’m overwhelmed during the holidays?”
Noticing your patterns lets you work with them instead of fighting against them.
2. “What do I need to feel grounded before, during, or after family time?”
Maybe it’s a walk, a moment alone, or an exit plan.
3. “If I wasn’t afraid of disappointing anyone, what would I choose?”
That answer is usually closer to your true boundary.
Scripts That Take the Pressure Off
Sometimes having language helps the body relax. It’s okay to come in with a plan or even prepare a script.
“I want to be there, and I also need to take care of myself. I can stay for an hour.”
“I’m not able to make that work this year, but thank you for thinking of me.”
“I’m choosing a quieter holiday this time. I hope you understand.”
All of these are simple, direct, and compassionate. You do not owe anyone an explanation!
Remember: You’re Not Responsible for Other People’s Reactions
You can offer clarity and kindness, but you can’t control how someone receives your boundary. Their feelings belong to them—not you.
Focus on what you can control: your thoughts, your actions, your energy. You cannot control how someone else will respond to your boundary.
This season, I hope you give yourself permission to honor your limits, soften your expectations, and create space for the version of you who deserves peace, presence, and rest
